Regular readers might not know this, but I’m married. And I love my wife. She is spunky, passionate, fun, and loves true-crime murder novels. She is smart and passionate. And she loves me almost as much as she loves our two cats. And you may think that is a complaint, but if you knew how much she loves our cats, you would realize that this means my wife gives me way more love than your wife gives you.

But geez….. ….there’s just something about her.

My wife also loves all kinds of things that I don’t. She grew up watching “The Shining” as a child. I had to leave the room when Ursula the Sea Witch came on the screen in the Little Mermaid. She likes a clean home, and I think that the floor is the largest shelf in the room. When she was a baby, she immigrated to the United States with her parents from Pakistan and speaks Urdu. My only claim to “international” heritage is that my distant ancestors are from England, Scotland, AND Wales. In other words, we’re different.

But wow…. ….there’s just something about her.

Sometimes, we fight. She may be cooking up an amazing creation in the kitchen (you should follow her food blog on Instagram), and we might be having a “discussion.” My position is obviously right, and her position is obviously wrong. So, I very gently and lovingly inform Juhi that she is “acting crazy.” She very passionately expresses that she does not like when I call her crazy. So I think for a minute, confirming in my memory that I didn’t say she IS crazy, but only that she was ACTING crazy (which is quite a relief, because I almost thought I was wrong there for a moment!), and lovingly and magnanimously say, “Okay. I’m sorry.” Thereafter, I wisely and carefully submit to her wishes and explain, “You’re not acting crazy. It’s just that you’re acting irrational.” For some reason, this does not fix the situation. I guess we all have our faults, but I’m sure she’ll come around.

But still…. …there’s just something about her.

I also get very upset when she always gets her way. Should we go out or stay in? I say stay in, and she says go out. So we compromise and go out. Should we watch a scary horror movie or a marvel movie? I say marvel, and she says scary. So we compromise and watch a horror movie. Should we vacation at the beach of in the mountains? I say mountains, and she says beach. So we compromise and go to Cancun. This seems unfair. It’s like the world revolves around her.

But geez…. ….there’s just something about her.

And with that in mind, I present this present to her on her birthday, which is today.

As many of you know, I write poetry, but my poetry is very metered, very rational, and very ordered, and therefore obviously better than any of the free-verse an unmetered stuff that you will see elsewhere. But that metered style is not my wife. She is SO IRRATIONAL, that I need to change the format.

But man….. ….there’s still just something about her.

Irrational or not, she’s more than beautiful. She’s absolutely transcendent.

Therefore, I present this poem to wish my wife Juhi a very happy birthday.

Reading Guide

As an interpretive tool, note that this poem has no particular meter. But it does very deliberately have metrical feet. A metrical “foot” is counted by the number of STRESSED syllables in a line, not the total number of syllables. As an example, the line “O Captain, my Captain” has six syllables total, but only two feet:

oh-CAP-tan-my-CAP-tan

Therefore, when you read the poem, notice how many feet there are in each line. Also, notice the punctuation (or lack thereof). Also, note the metaphor.

Math teachers should pick up on things. Ordinary people get an illustrative and explanatory picture below.

Irrational Beauty

3 – She always gets her way.
1 – She is
4 – Irrational — she radiates
1 – Her sway
5 – On ev’ry single point surrounding her
9 – But ev’ry emanation of her ever-growing value is unique
2 – And I still seek
6 – To get my hands upon her feminine physique
5 – But she cannot be “known” so easily
3 – From ev’ry vantage point
5 – From ev’ry point on the periphery
8 – She mesmerizes ev’ry second, ev’ry minute, and degree
9 – Her figure forms a gentle frame whose image always rests within my brain
7 – But though I am quite mesmerized, it is not through my eyes
9 – Despite the graceful frame I find, the pleasure of her grabs me through the mind
3 – So I will show and write
2 – Her qualities
3 – Peculiarities
8 – In areas that she defines, this planet spins around the Sun
4 – She multiplies both half the width
6 – Of this ellipse through aph-and-perihelion
2 – With half the height
6 – She is the goldilocks-elusive ratio
4 – Of here to there and all around
3 – But she is never found
3 – The wise identify
8 – With one and none and exponent’al power over e with i
3 – Her fundamental place
2 – That shows her grace
7 – Not algebraic, negative, or rational, yet Real
9 – Her transcendental spirit is the point of her perfection and appeal
5 – Her beauty – if you quantify – is π
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